Commitment

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Is Monogamy Still a Valid Expectation

 

Although it seems that everyone is cheating, that’s simply not the case.  It’s definitely easier to cheat since there is easy access to pornography, cybersex and hookup sites on social media.  You can remain at home, while surfing the internet for sex.  It all depends on what you define as cheating.  Some women believe that all men cheat.   In reality, who are the men cheating with? (other women)   Statistics show there’s not much difference in the percentage of men that cheat versus women.

Couples can remain faithful if they are committed to each other, their communication is open and honest and if everyone’s emotional and physical needs are being met.  Cheating is definitely a choice.  The same effort put into cheating should be put in keeping your relationship exciting and your bond stronger.

If you choose to remain faithful to your man then you should continue to expect him to live by the same standard.  You don’t have any control over the actions of anyone else, but it all depends on what you are willing to accept.  Some couples fear that they will encounter infidelity issues, so they decide to have an open relationship or to be polyamorous.  They feel this option will allow them to stay together, despite being with other people.  These relationships don’t necessarily have a greater chance of surviving because one of them could still fall for someone else.

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Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater?

once a cheater - always a cheater

 

A person who cheats can change if they really want to change and feel the need to change.  If someone loses or almost loses the love of their life, this could be the wake up call to make them realize the significance of their actions.  Without serious consequences for their betrayal, a cheater will most likely continue to cheat throughout the relationship.  When someone cheats and knows that it will be forgiven just by saying that they’re sorry and that you won’t leave them, they will feel that they have nothing to lose if they get caught again.  If the cheater has remorse and guilt they are more likely to be able to remain faithful in the future.

Couples counseling could help the couple to get to the bottom of why the affair happened in the first place, and help them learn to communicate their needs with one another and to be able to work through problems in the relationship.  Being vulnerable and unhappy in a relationship can lead to infidelity.

The betrayal is always in the back of the mind of the person who has been cheated on, and the insecurity and fear that it will happen again.  They may think you are cheating again, even if you aren’t.   That’s why rebuilding trust is so crucial to getting past the affair.   If the person cheats a second time, this may be a sign of an habitual cheater.  At this point, it may be time to consider ending the relationship.  If they have cheated in all of their past relationships, they probably won’t take monogamy seriously with you either.

Once a cheater, always a cheater doesn’t have to be their fate.  Some couples come out of an affair, more committed to each other than they were before the affair.  Of course, there are no guarantees in love and lust!

 

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A Ring is Just a Symbol, Until You Say “I Do”

Love - Engagement Ring

 

If you have been in a relationship for several years and have been constantly pressuring your man to “put a ring on it”, he may finally give you a ring just to shut you up.   Your fiancé may want a three or more year engagement and won’t want to set a wedding date.  An open engagement is typically requested by a man who has no intention of getting married (or getting married to you).  The ring may only be a stall tactic to keep stringing you along and to appease you or to get you off his back.  Two years is sufficient time to be engaged and to plan a wedding.

The best way to avoid getting a “shut up ring”, is not to live together for years, not to have the baby before the marriage and after two years of dating, if your man isn’t talking about a future with you, you should bring up the topic and be prepared to make some serious decisions as to how much longer you are willing to stay in the relationship without knowing whether or not there’s a future with him.

A “shut up engagement ring” that a man asks you to give back to him is more embarrassing and humiliating than never receiving a ring at all.  I feel if you are given a ring under false pretenses, you should not give it back if your fiancé calls off the engagement.  You deserve to keep the ring as retribution for the pain and suffering he has caused you.

A woman’s time is precious, don’t waste years with someone you have to pressure to marry you.  Many women fall into this trap because they feel they have invested so many years of their lives with their man and they are willing to hang in there, year after year, hoping one day that he will want to marry her.  It doesn’t take a man years to figure out that he wants to marry a woman.  Sometimes a man will hold on to a woman until he meets the one that he wants to marry and settle down with.   Some men have been known to do this and will marry that woman within a year.

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It’s Easier to Get a Man, When You Already Have One

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Have you ever noticed when you are actively looking for a man, you just can’t find the one you want.  There’s something about allowing attraction to happen naturally.  Sometimes women may be sending signals that men interpret as being desperate.

People are often attracted to whom they can’t have.  Maybe that’s why some people are attracted to someone who is unavailable.  A man’s ego and competitive nature may cause him to seek out a woman who is already taken.

Some people purposely get involved with someone who is emotionally unavailable.  They may choose these types of relationships because of past hurts, rejection, abandonment, fear of commitment or low self-esteem.  In either case, they are trying to avoid getting emotionally attached and repeat heartache.  Sometimes it’s the fantasy that they crave of trying to win someone who is unattainable.

Lose your “baggage” from past relationships and try to open your heart to the possibility of love, that you must learn to believe that you truly deserve.

 

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Men Show Love By Their Actions

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A man may not always tell you that he loves you, but his actions will show his true feelings.  Men are taught as boys to hide their feelings and emotions.  They have learned how to do that very well.  Men communicate differently than women do.  Some men won’t open up and share everything that’s on their minds or what they are feeling.  You will know how he feels about you by the way he provides and protects you.  He will do things for you without you asking him to.  A man in love will come to the rescue of the one he loves and will help out or handle a situation that he know is bothering you.

When a man chooses to spend quality time with you, instead of hanging out with the fellas, he’s showing you that he cherishes being in your company as often as he can.   A man in love will go out of his way to please the woman he’s in love with.  If he does things for you, that he hasn’t done for any other woman, you’ll know just how much you mean to him.  Other people will notice his love for you way before you do.

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Surviving a Breakup

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When we are in a relationship for a long period of time we can become comfortable and complacent.  We may stay in the relationship even though we aren’t happy.  Having to start over and the fear of the unknown, also keeps couples together when things aren’t working out between them.

Men and women often dread being alone or having a single status again. Cheating is an option some people will take when they want to hold onto who they are with while they look for their replacement.  Some would rather cheat on their partner, than to get rid of them.  Thinking a man will change is also a big mistake women tend to make.  Wasting time in a relationship that’s going nowhere isn’t worth it.

Some people feel a sense of loss or failure when a relationship ends, even when they weren’t compatible.  Sometimes, it’s just the stigma society places on being coupled, or an emotional attachment to someone who is emotionally detached from you.

Getting back into the dating scene and taking it slowly is the best way to heal and to take your mind off the hurt.  There’s something to be learned from each relationship.  Now that you are free, take the time out for yourself.  Hang out where there are plenty of men, since you are single and ready to mingle.  Remember, someone better is out there waiting for you.

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To Fake, or Not to Fake

love-woman

 

Most women have faked an orgasm at some point in their lives.  There are many reasons why a woman will choose to fake it.  Some of them are:  she’s tired, not feeling well, she want to go to sleep, want to get it over with, she’ll fake it to please her man, not to hurt her man’s feelings, because she feels he may cheat on her or leave her if he isn’t able to satisfy her or she is insecure thinking that something is wrong with her since she can’t reach an orgasm.

Every woman is different so you may have to guide your man on to how to please you.  If you fake it, you’re boosting a man’s ego. He will believe he’s such a great lover.  You’re giving him a false sense of achievement or validation.  I can surely understand if he really tries hard to get you there, and you still can’t climax.  This is a man who you should communicate with.  He would being willing to experiment with different measures;  toys, kama sutra, porn, intense foreplay, role play or whatever it takes to get you to “The Big O.”   Statistics show 60% of women “fake it to make it.”

It’s a fact that a woman can be sexually satisfied even though she hasn’t climaxed.  Of course, with both partners reaching an orgasm would be the icing on the cake.  Being familiar with your own body (masturbation), can allow you to know how to reach sexual satisfaction.

If you’re in a serious committed relationship, it isn’t worth faking it on a regular basis.  When a man thinks he’s satisfying you he will have no reason or clue that he needs to do more to get you there.  You will have to continue to fake it and remain sexually unfulfilled.  The solution could just be the need for more intense stimulation and longer foreplay.  In a casual relationship;   booty calls, friends with benefits or one night stands, if you choose to fake it to make it, that’s fine.

 

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Dating Red Flags

love-its-over

When meeting someone for the first time you should try to be a good listener.  Sometimes a man or woman will show signs of being controlling or some other negative behavior.  Another red flag is a person who constantly talks about their ex.  This is an indication that they aren’t over them.

You can judge a person’s character by how they treat others;  waiters, etc.  Being rude to other people is a sign that they’re not a nice person.

If a man is late to a date, and he hasn’t called or texted you to let you know and to apologize for his lateness, this is a sign that he doesn’t value your time, he’s inconsiderate and this will only worsen if you continue to date him.

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You Got Him, Now Keep Him

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Sometimes women will become comfortable in their relationship and will slack up on keeping up their sex appeal.  She may stop exercising and begin gaining extra weight or she may stop dressing the way she did when she first met her man.  When women become wives and mothers, they tend to get so wrapped up into “mommy mode and/or wifey mode” and she may forget to remain the woman her man fell in love with.  Men’s biggest complaint has always been women gaining excess weight after they marry them.

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Knowing When to Move On

love-hes-not-good-for-you

 

When you’re in a relationship and it feels like you have to put so much effort into it to make it work, he’s probably not into you.  It could be that you aren’t his type or you’re not compatible.

If a man disappears days without any contact with you, he isn’t into you.  When your relationship feels like you are on a roller coaster ride, generally that means it’s in trouble.  He may not want to let go altogether.  He may just want to string you along as his piece on the side, when he’s in between relationships or when he has a dry spell.  Usually in this case, he’s just using you for sex.  You may become his booty call, but not his girlfriend.

Men who don’t have any interest in what’s going on with you or don’t try to get to  know you or share things with you about himself, isn’t into you.

If a man see you infrequently or waits days to call or to return your call or text, isn’t into you.  A man who doesn’t make time to spend with you, isn’t into you.  At some point he will call with some lame excuse.  There’s no such thing as being too busy to call or text.  Excuses, excuses, excuses!

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