Mistress

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Is Monogamy Still a Valid Expectation

 

Although it seems that everyone is cheating, that’s simply not the case.  It’s definitely easier to cheat since there is easy access to pornography, cybersex and hookup sites on social media.  You can remain at home, while surfing the internet for sex.  It all depends on what you define as cheating.  Some women believe that all men cheat.   In reality, who are the men cheating with? (other women)   Statistics show there’s not much difference in the percentage of men that cheat versus women.

Couples can remain faithful if they are committed to each other, their communication is open and honest and if everyone’s emotional and physical needs are being met.  Cheating is definitely a choice.  The same effort put into cheating should be put in keeping your relationship exciting and your bond stronger.

If you choose to remain faithful to your man then you should continue to expect him to live by the same standard.  You don’t have any control over the actions of anyone else, but it all depends on what you are willing to accept.  Some couples fear that they will encounter infidelity issues, so they decide to have an open relationship or to be polyamorous.  They feel this option will allow them to stay together, despite being with other people.  These relationships don’t necessarily have a greater chance of surviving because one of them could still fall for someone else.

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To the Other Woman, Karma is a B****

 

Taking someone else’s man may feel good to your ego, but just know that your days are numbered.  What goes around comes around!  The other woman is often insecure and have trust issues.  A man who cheats on one woman, is inclined to cheat on the one he cheated with.   He may trade her in for another woman when he gets bored.   A man may also feel that his lover doesn’t have any morals and values, so she may be the one who cheats.  Since he already has a wife or girlfriend, she wouldn’t really be cheating on him. (LOL)

A man doesn’t usually marry his mistress.  She continues to hang on waiting in the background, while he often never leaves his wife.  She doesn’t realize she’s nothing more to him than his “side chick.” Even when a married man says he’s not sleeping with his wife, he usually is.

The other woman isn’t the one who took the vows of fidelity the married man is, but she is an enabler or accomplice to the cheater.  The married man is the one who betrayed you.   She is only hurting herself by denying herself a chance at having a respectable relationship.

Some things to keep in mind when you are the other woman:

  1.  You are sharing a man.
  2.  You are always kept a secret.
  3.  You are settling for less wasting your time with someone who is not available, when you deserve so much more.
  4.  You may have many lonely nights and holidays, because he can’t slip away.
  5.  You will always be second to his wife and children.

Trust is always questionable when you have a cheater and a home wrecker.

Just remember, how you get a man is how you’ll lose him.  Karma is a bitch!!

 

 

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He Cheated, Now What?

love - love is about trust

 

It is the anniversary of my initial posting of He Cheated, Now What?

This is the most commented on post I have written so far, so I have decided to re-blog it.  This subject matter may be of interest to everyone at some point in their life, even if just to advise someone on how to handle infidelity when they are going through it.

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When you have been cheated on, the first thing you have to do is decide if the relationship is worth saving.  Both of you must really want to work at gaining trust and healing from the pain and disappointment of the betrayal that goes along with the infidelity.

Communication is needed to understand what caused the infidelity in the first place.  This is crucial in hopes of preventing it from happening again.  Couples counseling could help with an unbiased third-party.   He has to earn your trust again.  Trust is very hard to gain, once it has been lost.

Don’t obsess over information about the other woman.  It was your man who betrayed your trust, the other woman doesn’t have any loyalty to you.  You need to know if it was a one-time affair or a lengthy affair.  A slip up is easier to forgive.  If it was with an ex, that could mean there are still underlying feelings between them.   That would pose a problem in trying to salvage the relationship.  If he has cheated on you before or he has a pattern of cheating in all of his past relationships, he most likely will cheat on you again.

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Should You Tell Your Girlfriend Her Man is Cheating on Her?

 

 

Although your loyalty is always with your girlfriend, you are putting your friendship at risk when you tell your girlfriend that her man is cheating on her.  When it is her husband that’s cheating, it could turn her life upside down especially if they have children.  It would be less risky, if he is just a boyfriend.

Most women have a suspicion when their man is cheating.  Women are intuitive.  Men are so careless and they’re creatures of habit.  When a man’s regular habits/routines change drastically this is a red flag that most women pick up on right away.  Cheating is the first thing that we suspect.

When a husband is cheating on his wife, most wives already know and choose to stay with their husbands.  Many wives choose to remain in denial because they don’t want to leave him or confront him.  They want to hold on to the fairy tale that they are happy and have the perfect marriage.  By remaining in denial, their man will continue to practice some level of discretion and show some respect in hopes of her not finding out.  Once a man knows that you are aware of his infidelity, and you choose to stay with him, at this point he will continue to cheat on you throughout your relationship.  He will no longer have the fear of losing you, so he becomes less discreet and more disrespectful.  Women must realize when you confront someone about their infidelity you must be prepared to take some kind of action to let them know you will not tolerate cheating, or you’re better off pretending not to know.

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It’s Easier to Get a Man, When You Already Have One

love-2-doves

 

Have you ever noticed when you are actively looking for a man, you just can’t find the one you want.  There’s something about allowing attraction to happen naturally.  Sometimes women may be sending signals that men interpret as being desperate.

People are often attracted to whom they can’t have.  Maybe that’s why some people are attracted to someone who is unavailable.  A man’s ego and competitive nature may cause him to seek out a woman who is already taken.

Some people purposely get involved with someone who is emotionally unavailable.  They may choose these types of relationships because of past hurts, rejection, abandonment, fear of commitment or low self-esteem.  In either case, they are trying to avoid getting emotionally attached and repeat heartache.  Sometimes it’s the fantasy that they crave of trying to win someone who is unattainable.

Lose your “baggage” from past relationships and try to open your heart to the possibility of love, that you must learn to believe that you truly deserve.

 

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You Got Him, Now Keep Him

love-valentines

Sometimes women will become comfortable in their relationship and will slack up on keeping up their sex appeal.  She may stop exercising and begin gaining extra weight or she may stop dressing the way she did when she first met her man.  When women become wives and mothers, they tend to get so wrapped up into “mommy mode and/or wifey mode” and she may forget to remain the woman her man fell in love with.  Men’s biggest complaint has always been women gaining excess weight after they marry them.

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Signs There’s Trouble in Paradise

love-broken-hearted

 

Whether it’s the man or the woman, communication is the first thing to go downhill in a relationship that’s in trouble.  Intimacy is often affected as well.  The lack of interest in lovemaking is a sure sign that there’s trouble in paradise.  Sex may become routine, but no longer passionate or romantic.  If the couple isn’t married or living together, one of them will start to spend less time with the other.  A man will detach himself emotionally as well as physically when he wants out of the relationship.

A man will no longer have concern about your feelings or your interests.  He will alter his regular routine with you.  The things he used to do with you, or for you, he will no longer do.  Men will try to put space between the two of you, when he’s contemplating ending the relationship.  Men don’t like talking about how they feel so they’ll usually remain distant.  Most men will give obvious signals that he is losing his feeling for you.  He will hope that you get the message.

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The Lies Men Tell

love-finding-mr-right

 

In a new relationship some men will lie about their intentions, as to whether they really want to be in a monogamous relationship.  They’ll tell you what they think you want to hear.  A man will take the chance at lying in order to continue seeing a woman he’s interested in at the time, knowing at some point she may find out his real intention.  He will hope that by the time she finds out the truth, she will be hooked on him and will not want to walk away from the relationship.

Men will also lie about their relationship status.  He may have a girlfriend, a booty call or a friend with benefits that he’s holding on to.  Men tend to lie about the reasons their past relationship ended as well.  Often they’ll say their girlfriend cheated on them, when they were the one who cheated.  They will feel you will have sympathy for them and think they are a nice guy.

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Foreplay = The “Big O”

love-making-love

 

 

Foreplay starts long before you get to the bedroom.  It can begin in the kitchen, while cooking with just grabbing her butt or his.  Whispering dirty talk to each other during the day or sexting while at work or buying her flowers are also methods of foreplay.   Getting your man or woman aroused and anticipating intimacy long before it happens, can be a good build-up to the finale.

Being romantic;  kissing, touching and even dancing can be very sensual and arousing for both the man and the woman.  Foreplay is the appetizer before the main course.  It gets all the juices flowing.  The most time should be spent on awakening the senses (arousal).  Taking the time to explore your lover’s body from head to toe will definitely pay off to reaching the “Big O”.   It’s the same principle as preheating the oven before cooking the meal.  (LOL)

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Leave Him in the Recycle Bin

loving a married man2

 

Sometimes when a woman isn’t in a relationship she may get lonely or want to have her “needs” met.  She may decide to recycle an old flame to fill the void.   She may use him just for sex.  Most men will accept the offer.  They won’t let on, but they may feel you are desperate or that you are not over him.  There was a reason why you broke up with him in the first place.  The fear of someone new or the unknown, may cause a woman to go back to whom she is familiar, even though it is not who is best for her.  Deep down women know the relationship isn’t going to be long-term, but she will deal with it for now until  someone else comes along.  She will see it as a safe option, since it will be someone she knows instead of a stranger.

Women have the tendency to look back on what could have been.  She may want to forget the bad things and choose to hold on to the good times.  Her past lover may have been great in bed, but that’s probably where it ends.   Often times comparing lovers can cause a woman to long for an ex, even if it’s just sexually.

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