Family

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Tips to Avoid “Baby Mama” Drama

Baby Mama Drama

When you’re in a relationship with a man who has a child, sometimes you can be subjected to “baby mama” drama.  If your relationship is new, you should avoid spending time with your man when he has his child present.   Here are a few tips on how to handle the drama if you’re in a serious, committed relationship or marriage:

  • Stay out of it and let the baby daddy handle all of the drama.
  • Be careful not to trash talk the baby mama in front of the child.
  • Follow the routine the parents set for the child, and don’t change anything.
  • All decisions regarding the child should be made by the parents only.
  • Remember a child’s loyalty will always be to their parents, not you.

If a baby mama still has feelings for her ex and she hasn’t moved on, she may have a problem accepting another woman being apart of her ex’s life as well as her child’s life.  Usually it’s jealousy that will cause the drama between all of you.  The child is often used as a pawn to get back at the other parent, but in reality it’s the child that suffers the most.

If you decide to stay in the relationship and deal with the baby mama drama, just know that it won’t be easy but if your love is strong, your relationship will survive.  Remember, the motive of the baby mama may just be to ruin your relationship with her ex.  Remain supportive and united and don’t let her know she is getting under your skin, or she will push harder.  Try to get along with her if possible because she will be part of your lives for many years to come.  Usually once she sees you aren’t going anywhere, she will often end the drama and accept that the three of you must coexist for the sake of the child.

 

 

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Should You Tell Your Girlfriend Her Man is Cheating on Her?

 

 

Although your loyalty is always with your girlfriend, you are putting your friendship at risk when you tell your girlfriend that her man is cheating on her.  When it is her husband that’s cheating, it could turn her life upside down especially if they have children.  It would be less risky, if he is just a boyfriend.

Most women have a suspicion when their man is cheating.  Women are intuitive.  Men are so careless and they’re creatures of habit.  When a man’s regular habits/routines change drastically this is a red flag that most women pick up on right away.  Cheating is the first thing that we suspect.

When a husband is cheating on his wife, most wives already know and choose to stay with their husbands.  Many wives choose to remain in denial because they don’t want to leave him or confront him.  They want to hold on to the fairy tale that they are happy and have the perfect marriage.  By remaining in denial, their man will continue to practice some level of discretion and show some respect in hopes of her not finding out.  Once a man knows that you are aware of his infidelity, and you choose to stay with him, at this point he will continue to cheat on you throughout your relationship.  He will no longer have the fear of losing you, so he becomes less discreet and more disrespectful.  Women must realize when you confront someone about their infidelity you must be prepared to take some kind of action to let them know you will not tolerate cheating, or you’re better off pretending not to know.

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Some Couples Need Others to Approve of Their Partners

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Initially when a man meets a woman, some men may seek other men to validate their woman.  Their approval may make him feel that he hit the jackpot.  It’s simply an ego boost for a man to see other men check out his woman and desire her.  Sometimes it will make a man value his woman more knowing other men are interested in her.    When another man says to his friend, “How did you get her?”  Most men will feel complimented rather than offended by that comment.

Other women will sometimes feel your man must have something going on, since you chose to be with him.   In turn, this may make him seem more attractive to other women.  Usually other women will presume that this man must be successful or he must be a great lover.

Women are more likely than men to want or need the approval of their relationship from friends and family.  Often a person’s disapproval is based on their own selfish reasons or because they aren’t in a relationship and they may feel now that you aren’t single anymore, your time spent with them may be limited.  Instead, they should be happy that you found love.

You can listen to the advice of others, but make your decision based solely on your partner’s actions and how they make you feel.  Ultimately other people’s approval shouldn’t matter when it comes to affairs of the heart.

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Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus

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Men love differently than women do.  Men show their love by protecting and providing for the woman they love.  A woman’s love comes straight from the heart and it’s an emotional attachment and often can become a dependency.  Sometimes a woman will make the man she loves her whole world.

A man’s self-esteem is based mostly on his  money, power and success.  A woman’s self-esteem is based on how she feels about her looks, her body and how men perceive her.

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Ladies … Let the Man, Be the Man

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Some women today don’t allow the man to be the man.  Women will want to lead and try to take on the male role.  Men still want a woman to be feminine and lady-like,  someone he feels he needs to protect and provide for.  Men also want to feel needed by his woman.  I’m not saying women should be dependent on a man, but she shouldn’t emasculate him either, even if she makes more money than he does.  Men enjoy coming to the rescue of the damsel in distress.  They know they are physically stronger than a woman and they enjoy being needed to fix things around the house, a flat tire, opening a jar, etc.

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Love Him, but Love Yourself More

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Having confidence and self-esteem go hand-in-hand with loving yourself.  Self-love is necessary in order for a person to feel they deserve to be loved, and to put themselves first, before others.  When a woman loves a man more than she loves herself, she will sacrifice her wants and needs for his to please her man.

Confidence and self-love are attractive qualities in a mate. I think it may be hard for someone to truly love a person who doesn’t love themself.  It’s ironic though, that not loving yourself doesn’t prevent a person from being able to love someone else.  The problem is when you love someone more than you love yourself, they’ll probably love you less and may take your love for granted.

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Signs There’s Trouble in Paradise

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Whether it’s the man or the woman, communication is the first thing to go downhill in a relationship that’s in trouble.  Intimacy is often affected as well.  The lack of interest in lovemaking is a sure sign that there’s trouble in paradise.  Sex may become routine, but no longer passionate or romantic.  If the couple isn’t married or living together, one of them will start to spend less time with the other.  A man will detach himself emotionally as well as physically when he wants out of the relationship.

A man will no longer have concern about your feelings or your interests.  He will alter his regular routine with you.  The things he used to do with you, or for you, he will no longer do.  Men will try to put space between the two of you, when he’s contemplating ending the relationship.  Men don’t like talking about how they feel so they’ll usually remain distant.  Most men will give obvious signals that he is losing his feeling for you.  He will hope that you get the message.

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What Do You Bring to the Table?

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In a job interview, the prospective employer is trying to find out what skills you have that would make you an asset to their company.  (what you bring to the table).   It’s the same principle in a relationship, only it’s more about financial means.

There used to be a time when only women would ask a man what he has to bring to the table;  if he has a job, what his profession is, how much money he makes, etc.  Nowadays, men ask women the same questions.  Everyone wants to know the other person has something to bring to the table to enhance their lifestyle.  It could financially or emotionally.  Most men are no longer willing to carry any dead weight.  Example:  a woman who has three children by another man, and no job.  A  man may feel she doesn’t have anything to contribute.

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There’s No Such Thing As a Perfect Man

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It’s in every little girls makeup to dream of landing a “Prince Charming” as in Cinderella.  Cinderella is fiction.  The perfect man is just a fantasy.  He doesn’t exist in reality.  If a man loves you unconditionally, then one might say his love is perfect.  A man who meets most of your needs could be considered an ideal man for you.  It would be more realistic to look for a “good man” instead of a perfect man.  It’s nearly impossible to find all the qualities a woman may wish for in a man, all in one package.  Compromise may be needed, but not necessarily saying you have to settle.  Looking beyond the physical and material things could enable a woman to find a good man.  What’s on the inside of a man is what is most important.  Having respect, integrity, honesty, loyalty and kindness are all qualities of a good man.

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Leave Your Baggage Behind

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Just about everyone has some emotional baggage, but too much can ruin any relationship.  People sometimes sabotage their new relationships because of the baggage they carry with them into the new relationship.  If you had prior trust or jealousy issues stemming from an ex boyfriend who cheated on you, or have abandonment issues from your childhood or any other past hurts, you must try to overcome your emotional insecurities so they don’t continue to follow you into future relationships.  It’s not fair to a new love to have to suffer through your insecurities, that they didn’t cause.

It’s best to take time for yourself after a breakup and not rush into a rebound relationship.  You need that time to heal and lose your baggage from past painful events.  You need to be emotionally healthy in order to give a new relationship a chance at working.  It’s not fair for someone else to have to pay for the emotional scars from your past.  The types of emotional baggage that can threaten a relationship are from; childhood trauma from dysfunctional parents or neglect or abuse, or from past lovers, especially if you aren’t emotionally detached from them.  These types of baggage can affect a new relationship in a very negative way.

Perhaps the solution is to learn how to effectively manage your baggage in a healthy way, or better yet, if you are able to lose it all together.  If all else fails, try to limit the amount of baggage that you carry around.  I’m not a therapist, but maybe being able to forgive, would also help a person to let go.  You must try to bury past hurts in order to move forward to a positive outcome in the future.