Marriage

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Is Monogamy Still a Valid Expectation

 

Although it seems that everyone is cheating, that’s simply not the case.  It’s definitely easier to cheat since there is easy access to pornography, cybersex and hookup sites on social media.  You can remain at home, while surfing the internet for sex.  It all depends on what you define as cheating.  Some women believe that all men cheat.   In reality, who are the men cheating with? (other women)   Statistics show there’s not much difference in the percentage of men that cheat versus women.

Couples can remain faithful if they are committed to each other, their communication is open and honest and if everyone’s emotional and physical needs are being met.  Cheating is definitely a choice.  The same effort put into cheating should be put in keeping your relationship exciting and your bond stronger.

If you choose to remain faithful to your man then you should continue to expect him to live by the same standard.  You don’t have any control over the actions of anyone else, but it all depends on what you are willing to accept.  Some couples fear that they will encounter infidelity issues, so they decide to have an open relationship or to be polyamorous.  They feel this option will allow them to stay together, despite being with other people.  These relationships don’t necessarily have a greater chance of surviving because one of them could still fall for someone else.

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To the Other Woman, Karma is a B****

 

Taking someone else’s man may feel good to your ego, but just know that your days are numbered.  What goes around comes around!  The other woman is often insecure and have trust issues.  A man who cheats on one woman, is inclined to cheat on the one he cheated with.   He may trade her in for another woman when he gets bored.   A man may also feel that his lover doesn’t have any morals and values, so she may be the one who cheats.  Since he already has a wife or girlfriend, she wouldn’t really be cheating on him. (LOL)

A man doesn’t usually marry his mistress.  She continues to hang on waiting in the background, while he often never leaves his wife.  She doesn’t realize she’s nothing more to him than his “side chick.” Even when a married man says he’s not sleeping with his wife, he usually is.

The other woman isn’t the one who took the vows of fidelity the married man is, but she is an enabler or accomplice to the cheater.  The married man is the one who betrayed you.   She is only hurting herself by denying herself a chance at having a respectable relationship.

Some things to keep in mind when you are the other woman:

  1.  You are sharing a man.
  2.  You are always kept a secret.
  3.  You are settling for less wasting your time with someone who is not available, when you deserve so much more.
  4.  You may have many lonely nights and holidays, because he can’t slip away.
  5.  You will always be second to his wife and children.

Trust is always questionable when you have a cheater and a home wrecker.

Just remember, how you get a man is how you’ll lose him.  Karma is a bitch!!

 

 

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Men: What You See, is What You Get

 

Most men are true to who they are, even early on in a relationship.  Many women will overlook or accept a man’s annoying behavior hoping to change him to make him into her fantasy.  The fact is, you can’t change a man unless he is willing to change, so stop trying!  He may attempt to change for you, but it won’t last.

Women often try to mold a man to become who she wants him to be.  Men will resent that they aren’t good enough as they are.  A man’s ego can become bruised.  He may feel insecure or feel emasculated.  This will definitely destroy a relationship or cause him to cheat.  You can’t raise or train a grown man.  Sometimes a man will see you as trying to control him.  He will remain resistant and may also feel that you don’t really love him.  Some other woman will gladly accept him as he is.

Some of the most difficult changes for anyone to make immediately are overcoming:

  • Addiction
  • Immaturity
  • Workaholic
  • Womanizer
  • Abusive behavior
  • Commitment phobia

Everyone has some flaws, bad habits or quirky traits that can be annoying, but are they worth accepting or are they a deal breaker? Ultimately, that is the question you have to ask yourself.

A few things to keep in mind . . .

Your love isn’t enough to change him.

You’re fighting a losing battle.

It has to be a man’s own decision to change.

Accept a man at face value.

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Keep Lust Alive in Your Relationship

lust 2

 

The sparks can fizzle out over time, but it doesn’t have to.  You must do your part in keeping your man desiring you.  Continue to be the sexy lady he fell in love with in the first place.

Foreplay should start throughout the day and lovemaking shouldn’t only take place in the bedroom.  Flirting, sexting and talking dirty can also get you aroused.  Date night and vacations without the children are a must to keep the lust alive in a relationship.  Wearing lingerie to bed and role play can also contribute to an exciting sex life.  You have to constantly find new adventurous ways to keep the passionate feeling.  It’s easy to get bored when romance becomes monotonous.  Be spontaneous and unpredictable at all times.  Try a couples spa day, wine and painting events or a picnic in a scenic park or by the water.  (Don’t forget the wine and cheese!)

Couples should have open non-judgmental communication.  They should talk about their sexual needs, different positions to try and share their fantasies and desires.  Let them know if you desire sex more frequently or if you would like to experiment with new ways to please one another.

Don’t get complacent in your relationship.  The sparks will continue to burn by  exploring different methods to enhance the excitement and keep lust alive.

 

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He Cheated, Now What?

love - love is about trust

 

It is the anniversary of my initial posting of He Cheated, Now What?

This is the most commented on post I have written so far, so I have decided to re-blog it.  This subject matter may be of interest to everyone at some point in their life, even if just to advise someone on how to handle infidelity when they are going through it.

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When you have been cheated on, the first thing you have to do is decide if the relationship is worth saving.  Both of you must really want to work at gaining trust and healing from the pain and disappointment of the betrayal that goes along with the infidelity.

Communication is needed to understand what caused the infidelity in the first place.  This is crucial in hopes of preventing it from happening again.  Couples counseling could help with an unbiased third-party.   He has to earn your trust again.  Trust is very hard to gain, once it has been lost.

Don’t obsess over information about the other woman.  It was your man who betrayed your trust, the other woman doesn’t have any loyalty to you.  You need to know if it was a one-time affair or a lengthy affair.  A slip up is easier to forgive.  If it was with an ex, that could mean there are still underlying feelings between them.   That would pose a problem in trying to salvage the relationship.  If he has cheated on you before or he has a pattern of cheating in all of his past relationships, he most likely will cheat on you again.

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Fight, but Give Into Make-up Sex

 

make up sex

 

Fighting is normal in a relationship.  You have two distinct personalities which will not always agree or get along.  Compromise is key to handling problems without destroying your relationship.  Make-up sex allows a couple to bond by closing the distance caused by fighting.  The energy and adrenaline it takes to fight, can actually lead to arousal.   You can’t stay angry with your man if he just made sweet love to you.   Make-up sex is exciting, but it doesn’t resolve any underlying issues between couples.  It’s just a temporary fix.

In relationships where couples never fight, one of them are holding back their true feelings in order to please the other person.  That person would rather keep quiet to keep the peace in order to avoid conflict altogether.  Somewhere down the line, resentment will build up.  This is not a healthy relationship.  Both parties must be able to communicate to resolve problems in their relationship.   When there are domestic abuse issues, it’s time to get out of the relationship and seek protection.

Couples will have misunderstandings, but as long as you can argue in a respectful manner and are able to let the power struggle end, and you can meet somewhere in the middle, fighting is a normal part of a relationship.  Tackle the problem, not the person.  There’s no better way to say you’re sorry, than make-up sex.  LOL

 

 

 

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Tips to Avoid “Baby Mama” Drama

Baby Mama Drama

When you’re in a relationship with a man who has a child, sometimes you can be subjected to “baby mama” drama.  If your relationship is new, you should avoid spending time with your man when he has his child present.   Here are a few tips on how to handle the drama if you’re in a serious, committed relationship or marriage:

  • Stay out of it and let the baby daddy handle all of the drama.
  • Be careful not to trash talk the baby mama in front of the child.
  • Follow the routine the parents set for the child, and don’t change anything.
  • All decisions regarding the child should be made by the parents only.
  • Remember a child’s loyalty will always be to their parents, not you.

If a baby mama still has feelings for her ex and she hasn’t moved on, she may have a problem accepting another woman being apart of her ex’s life as well as her child’s life.  Usually it’s jealousy that will cause the drama between all of you.  The child is often used as a pawn to get back at the other parent, but in reality it’s the child that suffers the most.

If you decide to stay in the relationship and deal with the baby mama drama, just know that it won’t be easy but if your love is strong, your relationship will survive.  Remember, the motive of the baby mama may just be to ruin your relationship with her ex.  Remain supportive and united and don’t let her know she is getting under your skin, or she will push harder.  Try to get along with her if possible because she will be part of your lives for many years to come.  Usually once she sees you aren’t going anywhere, she will often end the drama and accept that the three of you must coexist for the sake of the child.

 

 

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Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater?

once a cheater - always a cheater

 

A person who cheats can change if they really want to change and feel the need to change.  If someone loses or almost loses the love of their life, this could be the wake up call to make them realize the significance of their actions.  Without serious consequences for their betrayal, a cheater will most likely continue to cheat throughout the relationship.  When someone cheats and knows that it will be forgiven just by saying that they’re sorry and that you won’t leave them, they will feel that they have nothing to lose if they get caught again.  If the cheater has remorse and guilt they are more likely to be able to remain faithful in the future.

Couples counseling could help the couple to get to the bottom of why the affair happened in the first place, and help them learn to communicate their needs with one another and to be able to work through problems in the relationship.  Being vulnerable and unhappy in a relationship can lead to infidelity.

The betrayal is always in the back of the mind of the person who has been cheated on, and the insecurity and fear that it will happen again.  They may think you are cheating again, even if you aren’t.   That’s why rebuilding trust is so crucial to getting past the affair.   If the person cheats a second time, this may be a sign of an habitual cheater.  At this point, it may be time to consider ending the relationship.  If they have cheated in all of their past relationships, they probably won’t take monogamy seriously with you either.

Once a cheater, always a cheater doesn’t have to be their fate.  Some couples come out of an affair, more committed to each other than they were before the affair.  Of course, there are no guarantees in love and lust!

 

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Keep Yourself Market Ready

Love - Keep Yourself Market Ready2

 

Whether a woman is single, in a relationship or a marriage, she should always keep herself up (her hair, body, fashion, make up).   Her man will continue to see his bae as the sexy woman he fell in love with.  He will also notice other men are eyeing her too.

There is nothing worse than breaking up and having to work so hard at losing weight, getting your sexy back and building your confidence again in order to get yourself back on the dating scene.

Women who slay can rebound much faster and their confidence remains intact after a breakup.  Keeping yourself put together at all times is attractive to men.  They see a woman who is confident and loves herself.  Putting your man and your children first and neglecting yourself, is a sure way to get your man to lose interest and desire for you.  Women who get stuck into the wifey and baby mama or superwoman mode, may inadvertently cause their men to stray.  These women are often taken for granted and are no longer being romanced by their men.

When you keep yourself market ready, your man will want to do date night to take you out and show you off.  What man doesn’t desire some good arm candy?  She keeps his lust for her alive.  Every woman should want to be the best version of herself.  It’s easier to keep up the glam when she is doing it for herself, and not just for a man.

 

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Should You Tell Your Girlfriend Her Man is Cheating on Her?

 

 

Although your loyalty is always with your girlfriend, you are putting your friendship at risk when you tell your girlfriend that her man is cheating on her.  When it is her husband that’s cheating, it could turn her life upside down especially if they have children.  It would be less risky, if he is just a boyfriend.

Most women have a suspicion when their man is cheating.  Women are intuitive.  Men are so careless and they’re creatures of habit.  When a man’s regular habits/routines change drastically this is a red flag that most women pick up on right away.  Cheating is the first thing that we suspect.

When a husband is cheating on his wife, most wives already know and choose to stay with their husbands.  Many wives choose to remain in denial because they don’t want to leave him or confront him.  They want to hold on to the fairy tale that they are happy and have the perfect marriage.  By remaining in denial, their man will continue to practice some level of discretion and show some respect in hopes of her not finding out.  Once a man knows that you are aware of his infidelity, and you choose to stay with him, at this point he will continue to cheat on you throughout your relationship.  He will no longer have the fear of losing you, so he becomes less discreet and more disrespectful.  Women must realize when you confront someone about their infidelity you must be prepared to take some kind of action to let them know you will not tolerate cheating, or you’re better off pretending not to know.

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