Men: What You See, is What You Get

 

Most men are true to who they are, even early on in a relationship.  Many women will overlook or accept a man’s annoying behavior hoping to change him to make him into her fantasy.  The fact is, you can’t change a man unless he is willing to change, so stop trying!  He may attempt to change for you, but it won’t last.

Women often try to mold a man to become who she wants him to be.  Men will resent that they aren’t good enough as they are.  A man’s ego can become bruised.  He may feel insecure or feel emasculated.  This will definitely destroy a relationship or cause him to cheat.  You can’t raise or train a grown man.  Sometimes a man will see you as trying to control him.  He will remain resistant and may also feel that you don’t really love him.  Some other woman will gladly accept him as he is.

Some of the most difficult changes for anyone to make immediately are overcoming:

  • Addiction
  • Immaturity
  • Workaholic
  • Womanizer
  • Abusive behavior
  • Commitment phobia

Everyone has some flaws, bad habits or quirky traits that can be annoying, but are they worth accepting or are they a deal breaker? Ultimately, that is the question you have to ask yourself.

A few things to keep in mind . . .

Your love isn’t enough to change him.

You’re fighting a losing battle.

It has to be a man’s own decision to change.

Accept a man at face value.

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Keep Yourself Market Ready

Love - Keep Yourself Market Ready2

 

Whether a woman is single, in a relationship or a marriage, she should always keep herself up (her hair, body, fashion, make up).   Her man will continue to see his bae as the sexy woman he fell in love with.  He will also notice other men are eyeing her too.

There is nothing worse than breaking up and having to work so hard at losing weight, getting your sexy back and building your confidence again in order to get yourself back on the dating scene.

Women who slay can rebound much faster and their confidence remains intact after a breakup.  Keeping yourself put together at all times is attractive to men.  They see a woman who is confident and loves herself.  Putting your man and your children first and neglecting yourself, is a sure way to get your man to lose interest and desire for you.  Women who get stuck into the wifey and baby mama or superwoman mode, may inadvertently cause their men to stray.  These women are often taken for granted and are no longer being romanced by their men.

When you keep yourself market ready, your man will want to do date night to take you out and show you off.  What man doesn’t desire some good arm candy?  She keeps his lust for her alive.  Every woman should want to be the best version of herself.  It’s easier to keep up the glam when she is doing it for herself, and not just for a man.

 

Girl Code: Why We Need One

Women should be kinder to one another.  Unlike men, who will nod or speak to each other when their eyes meet, women will often hate on another woman by eyeing her from head-to-toe, but without a smile or a hello.

Body shaming another woman is something we should never do.  Society already places unrealistic standards on how women should look.  We come in all shapes and sizes, and everyone isn’t going to look like a supermodel.

Girlfriends’ exes should certainly be off-limits.  That includes ex-boyfriends, ex-husbands and even her crushes.  Cat fights between a woman over a man is definitely foolish.  No man is worth getting not even a strand of your hair pulled out.  There are too many men available to fight over one.

Girlfriends should always have your back when you’re out partying. They should always watch your drink at the bar.   A real girlfriend would never let her friend drive home when she’s been drinking too much.  It’s better to get an Uber than a D.U.I.

When girlfriends have a fallout, they still shouldn’t spill the tea, or tell her secrets on social media.   You should value your friendship and avoid posting negative comments (shade) about someone who you use to call a friend.

Girlfriends should be happy for each other if one of them finds the man of her dreams, regardless of whether she’s still looking for Mr. Right.   Some women are known to abandon their girlfriends when they meet a new man.   We have to remember men will come and go, but your girlfriends will always be there for you when the relationship ends to help you get your slay on.

Whatever happened to “Girl Power?”  Women should want to empower one another.  That’s why I think we need to follow a Girl Code.

Love Him, but Love Yourself More

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Having confidence and self-esteem go hand-in-hand with loving yourself.  Self-love is necessary in order for a person to feel they deserve to be loved, and to put themselves first, before others.  When a woman loves a man more than she loves herself, she will sacrifice her wants and needs for his to please her man.

Confidence and self-love are attractive qualities in a mate. I think it may be hard for someone to truly love a person who doesn’t love themself.  It’s ironic though, that not loving yourself doesn’t prevent a person from being able to love someone else.  The problem is when you love someone more than you love yourself, they’ll probably love you less and may take your love for granted.

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Leave Your Baggage Behind

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Just about everyone has some emotional baggage, but too much can ruin any relationship.  People sometimes sabotage their new relationships because of the baggage they carry with them into the new relationship.  If you had prior trust or jealousy issues stemming from an ex boyfriend who cheated on you, or have abandonment issues from your childhood or any other past hurts, you must try to overcome your emotional insecurities so they don’t continue to follow you into future relationships.  It’s not fair to a new love to have to suffer through your insecurities, that they didn’t cause.

It’s best to take time for yourself after a breakup and not rush into a rebound relationship.  You need that time to heal and lose your baggage from past painful events.  You need to be emotionally healthy in order to give a new relationship a chance at working.  It’s not fair for someone else to have to pay for the emotional scars from your past.  The types of emotional baggage that can threaten a relationship are from; childhood trauma from dysfunctional parents or neglect or abuse, or from past lovers, especially if you aren’t emotionally detached from them.  These types of baggage can affect a new relationship in a very negative way.

Perhaps the solution is to learn how to effectively manage your baggage in a healthy way, or better yet, if you are able to lose it all together.  If all else fails, try to limit the amount of baggage that you carry around.  I’m not a therapist, but maybe being able to forgive, would also help a person to let go.  You must try to bury past hurts in order to move forward to a positive outcome in the future.