Lust

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Is Monogamy Still a Valid Expectation

 

Although it seems that everyone is cheating, that’s simply not the case.  It’s definitely easier to cheat since there is easy access to pornography, cybersex and hookup sites on social media.  You can remain at home, while surfing the internet for sex.  It all depends on what you define as cheating.  Some women believe that all men cheat.   In reality, who are the men cheating with? (other women)   Statistics show there’s not much difference in the percentage of men that cheat versus women.

Couples can remain faithful if they are committed to each other, their communication is open and honest and if everyone’s emotional and physical needs are being met.  Cheating is definitely a choice.  The same effort put into cheating should be put in keeping your relationship exciting and your bond stronger.

If you choose to remain faithful to your man then you should continue to expect him to live by the same standard.  You don’t have any control over the actions of anyone else, but it all depends on what you are willing to accept.  Some couples fear that they will encounter infidelity issues, so they decide to have an open relationship or to be polyamorous.  They feel this option will allow them to stay together, despite being with other people.  These relationships don’t necessarily have a greater chance of surviving because one of them could still fall for someone else.

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To the Other Woman, Karma is a B****

 

Taking someone else’s man may feel good to your ego, but just know that your days are numbered.  What goes around comes around!  The other woman is often insecure and have trust issues.  A man who cheats on one woman, is inclined to cheat on the one he cheated with.   He may trade her in for another woman when he gets bored.   A man may also feel that his lover doesn’t have any morals and values, so she may be the one who cheats.  Since he already has a wife or girlfriend, she wouldn’t really be cheating on him. (LOL)

A man doesn’t usually marry his mistress.  She continues to hang on waiting in the background, while he often never leaves his wife.  She doesn’t realize she’s nothing more to him than his “side chick.” Even when a married man says he’s not sleeping with his wife, he usually is.

The other woman isn’t the one who took the vows of fidelity the married man is, but she is an enabler or accomplice to the cheater.  The married man is the one who betrayed you.   She is only hurting herself by denying herself a chance at having a respectable relationship.

Some things to keep in mind when you are the other woman:

  1.  You are sharing a man.
  2.  You are always kept a secret.
  3.  You are settling for less wasting your time with someone who is not available, when you deserve so much more.
  4.  You may have many lonely nights and holidays, because he can’t slip away.
  5.  You will always be second to his wife and children.

Trust is always questionable when you have a cheater and a home wrecker.

Just remember, how you get a man is how you’ll lose him.  Karma is a bitch!!

 

 

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Why The Thrill of the Chase is So Exciting

Thrill of the Chase

 

Most men find the thrill of the chase very exciting and an adrenaline rush.  Men generally welcome a challenge.  They are strategic thinkers and love to hunt and conquer.  A man usually gets bored much quicker than a woman does, therefore they tend to find anything “new” exciting.  Having to put in the work to win a woman’s heart wouldn’t be a deal breaker for most men.   A man will chance rejection if that turns out to be the outcome.  It’s exciting for a man to pursue the woman of his dreams, even if he feels she is playing hard to get.  Some men will do whatever it takes to reel her in as long as he knows he has a chance.  (It’s like a chess match)

Men place more value on a woman he had to work hard to get.  He probably won’t take her for granted either.  Sometimes it’s a game or a sport to a man.   He may bet his friends that he will get her number.  The thrill of the chase is also about a man’s ego.  Some men will pursue an elusive woman who seems unobtainable, just for the challenge or competition.  To land her would be a great score, after all he succeeded where other men failed.  It would be like hitting the jackpot and taking home the prize!

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Keep Lust Alive in Your Relationship

lust 2

 

The sparks can fizzle out over time, but it doesn’t have to.  You must do your part in keeping your man desiring you.  Continue to be the sexy lady he fell in love with in the first place.

Foreplay should start throughout the day and lovemaking shouldn’t only take place in the bedroom.  Flirting, sexting and talking dirty can also get you aroused.  Date night and vacations without the children are a must to keep the lust alive in a relationship.  Wearing lingerie to bed and role play can also contribute to an exciting sex life.  You have to constantly find new adventurous ways to keep the passionate feeling.  It’s easy to get bored when romance becomes monotonous.  Be spontaneous and unpredictable at all times.  Try a couples spa day, wine and painting events or a picnic in a scenic park or by the water.  (Don’t forget the wine and cheese!)

Couples should have open non-judgmental communication.  They should talk about their sexual needs, different positions to try and share their fantasies and desires.  Let them know if you desire sex more frequently or if you would like to experiment with new ways to please one another.

Don’t get complacent in your relationship.  The sparks will continue to burn by  exploring different methods to enhance the excitement and keep lust alive.

 

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Flirting Isn’t Always Harmless

flirting 2

You can unknowingly put your relationship in jeopardy when you believe flirting is just playful innocent behavior, when in fact your intentions are not so innocent.  Temptation to go further can definitely lead to infidelity.  Having sexual attraction for someone aside from your bae an easily progress into inappropriate behavior or cheating if you put yourself in a compromising situation.  It’s like playing with fire.

It’s always flattering and is definitely an ego boost when you are flirted with.  Be careful not to need this type of attention so badly that you are vulnerable because you aren’t getting any attention from your man.  You could easily get emotionally attached to another person who satisfies your emotional needs.

If your man is flirting with other women in front of you, this is blatantly disrespectful behavior that you should not tolerate.

Harmless flirting would be simply smiling, greeting or complimenting the opposite sex in passing.

Flirting has gone too far when it involves:

  • Touching or other physical contact
  • pursuing the other person
  • Continuous contact

Aggressive flirting can be a sign of lust, in this case it is best left between couples or singles who are available and are not in a relationship.

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He Cheated, Now What?

love - love is about trust

 

It is the anniversary of my initial posting of He Cheated, Now What?

This is the most commented on post I have written so far, so I have decided to re-blog it.  This subject matter may be of interest to everyone at some point in their life, even if just to advise someone on how to handle infidelity when they are going through it.

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When you have been cheated on, the first thing you have to do is decide if the relationship is worth saving.  Both of you must really want to work at gaining trust and healing from the pain and disappointment of the betrayal that goes along with the infidelity.

Communication is needed to understand what caused the infidelity in the first place.  This is crucial in hopes of preventing it from happening again.  Couples counseling could help with an unbiased third-party.   He has to earn your trust again.  Trust is very hard to gain, once it has been lost.

Don’t obsess over information about the other woman.  It was your man who betrayed your trust, the other woman doesn’t have any loyalty to you.  You need to know if it was a one-time affair or a lengthy affair.  A slip up is easier to forgive.  If it was with an ex, that could mean there are still underlying feelings between them.   That would pose a problem in trying to salvage the relationship.  If he has cheated on you before or he has a pattern of cheating in all of his past relationships, he most likely will cheat on you again.

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Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater?

once a cheater - always a cheater

 

A person who cheats can change if they really want to change and feel the need to change.  If someone loses or almost loses the love of their life, this could be the wake up call to make them realize the significance of their actions.  Without serious consequences for their betrayal, a cheater will most likely continue to cheat throughout the relationship.  When someone cheats and knows that it will be forgiven just by saying that they’re sorry and that you won’t leave them, they will feel that they have nothing to lose if they get caught again.  If the cheater has remorse and guilt they are more likely to be able to remain faithful in the future.

Couples counseling could help the couple to get to the bottom of why the affair happened in the first place, and help them learn to communicate their needs with one another and to be able to work through problems in the relationship.  Being vulnerable and unhappy in a relationship can lead to infidelity.

The betrayal is always in the back of the mind of the person who has been cheated on, and the insecurity and fear that it will happen again.  They may think you are cheating again, even if you aren’t.   That’s why rebuilding trust is so crucial to getting past the affair.   If the person cheats a second time, this may be a sign of an habitual cheater.  At this point, it may be time to consider ending the relationship.  If they have cheated in all of their past relationships, they probably won’t take monogamy seriously with you either.

Once a cheater, always a cheater doesn’t have to be their fate.  Some couples come out of an affair, more committed to each other than they were before the affair.  Of course, there are no guarantees in love and lust!

 

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Keep Yourself Market Ready

Love - Keep Yourself Market Ready2

 

Whether a woman is single, in a relationship or a marriage, she should always keep herself up (her hair, body, fashion, make up).   Her man will continue to see his bae as the sexy woman he fell in love with.  He will also notice other men are eyeing her too.

There is nothing worse than breaking up and having to work so hard at losing weight, getting your sexy back and building your confidence again in order to get yourself back on the dating scene.

Women who slay can rebound much faster and their confidence remains intact after a breakup.  Keeping yourself put together at all times is attractive to men.  They see a woman who is confident and loves herself.  Putting your man and your children first and neglecting yourself, is a sure way to get your man to lose interest and desire for you.  Women who get stuck into the wifey and baby mama or superwoman mode, may inadvertently cause their men to stray.  These women are often taken for granted and are no longer being romanced by their men.

When you keep yourself market ready, your man will want to do date night to take you out and show you off.  What man doesn’t desire some good arm candy?  She keeps his lust for her alive.  Every woman should want to be the best version of herself.  It’s easier to keep up the glam when she is doing it for herself, and not just for a man.

 

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Things a Man Won’t Tell You

love - men's secrets

 

First and foremost, a man won’t tell you what is on his mind or how he feels.  He won’t share his worries, his insecurities, jealousy or anything that may be bothering him.  A man fears he will seem weak.  Men are taught as boys to be strong at all times.

Your man won’t share negative information about his friends or family with you.  Men are much better at keeping secrets than women are.  Men don’t disclose anything about themselves, in their past or present that he is embarrassed about or uncomfortable with.  Most men won’t tell you that they cheated on all their girlfriends or their ex-wife, or that he is a former alcoholic, drug user, or that he beat his last girlfriend.

Most men won’t tell you about their adverse health conditions or that they are popping the ” little blue pill”.

Some men lust after other women, maybe even one of your girlfriends.  He knows better than to share that with you.  (LOL)

Men don’t usually tell you the moment that they fall for you or why they hate to say the words, “I love you”.  It makes them feel vulnerable.

All men hate it when their woman won’t shut up, but he usually doesn’t want to hurt her feelings by telling her.  He would rather tune her out.  A man won’t always tell his woman that he need space.  He will start pulling away from her instead.

Most men won’t tell you that he’s bored in the bedroom and wants to try something new or that he craves more sex.  He would rather get it elsewhere.

The one thing all men refuse to tell you the truth about when you ask them, is how you look in an outfit or anything regarding your appearance, whether it’s your weight, make up, hair style, etc.  They know their woman can’t handle the truth, if it’s not the answer she wants to hear from him.

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Should You Tell Your Girlfriend Her Man is Cheating on Her?

 

 

Although your loyalty is always with your girlfriend, you are putting your friendship at risk when you tell your girlfriend that her man is cheating on her.  When it is her husband that’s cheating, it could turn her life upside down especially if they have children.  It would be less risky, if he is just a boyfriend.

Most women have a suspicion when their man is cheating.  Women are intuitive.  Men are so careless and they’re creatures of habit.  When a man’s regular habits/routines change drastically this is a red flag that most women pick up on right away.  Cheating is the first thing that we suspect.

When a husband is cheating on his wife, most wives already know and choose to stay with their husbands.  Many wives choose to remain in denial because they don’t want to leave him or confront him.  They want to hold on to the fairy tale that they are happy and have the perfect marriage.  By remaining in denial, their man will continue to practice some level of discretion and show some respect in hopes of her not finding out.  Once a man knows that you are aware of his infidelity, and you choose to stay with him, at this point he will continue to cheat on you throughout your relationship.  He will no longer have the fear of losing you, so he becomes less discreet and more disrespectful.  Women must realize when you confront someone about their infidelity you must be prepared to take some kind of action to let them know you will not tolerate cheating, or you’re better off pretending not to know.

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