Players

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Is Monogamy Still a Valid Expectation

 

Although it seems that everyone is cheating, that’s simply not the case.  It’s definitely easier to cheat since there is easy access to pornography, cybersex and hookup sites on social media.  You can remain at home, while surfing the internet for sex.  It all depends on what you define as cheating.  Some women believe that all men cheat.   In reality, who are the men cheating with? (other women)   Statistics show there’s not much difference in the percentage of men that cheat versus women.

Couples can remain faithful if they are committed to each other, their communication is open and honest and if everyone’s emotional and physical needs are being met.  Cheating is definitely a choice.  The same effort put into cheating should be put in keeping your relationship exciting and your bond stronger.

If you choose to remain faithful to your man then you should continue to expect him to live by the same standard.  You don’t have any control over the actions of anyone else, but it all depends on what you are willing to accept.  Some couples fear that they will encounter infidelity issues, so they decide to have an open relationship or to be polyamorous.  They feel this option will allow them to stay together, despite being with other people.  These relationships don’t necessarily have a greater chance of surviving because one of them could still fall for someone else.

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To the Other Woman, Karma is a B****

 

Taking someone else’s man may feel good to your ego, but just know that your days are numbered.  What goes around comes around!  The other woman is often insecure and have trust issues.  A man who cheats on one woman, is inclined to cheat on the one he cheated with.   He may trade her in for another woman when he gets bored.   A man may also feel that his lover doesn’t have any morals and values, so she may be the one who cheats.  Since he already has a wife or girlfriend, she wouldn’t really be cheating on him. (LOL)

A man doesn’t usually marry his mistress.  She continues to hang on waiting in the background, while he often never leaves his wife.  She doesn’t realize she’s nothing more to him than his “side chick.” Even when a married man says he’s not sleeping with his wife, he usually is.

The other woman isn’t the one who took the vows of fidelity the married man is, but she is an enabler or accomplice to the cheater.  The married man is the one who betrayed you.   She is only hurting herself by denying herself a chance at having a respectable relationship.

Some things to keep in mind when you are the other woman:

  1.  You are sharing a man.
  2.  You are always kept a secret.
  3.  You are settling for less wasting your time with someone who is not available, when you deserve so much more.
  4.  You may have many lonely nights and holidays, because he can’t slip away.
  5.  You will always be second to his wife and children.

Trust is always questionable when you have a cheater and a home wrecker.

Just remember, how you get a man is how you’ll lose him.  Karma is a bitch!!

 

 

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Men: What You See, is What You Get

 

Most men are true to who they are, even early on in a relationship.  Many women will overlook or accept a man’s annoying behavior hoping to change him to make him into her fantasy.  The fact is, you can’t change a man unless he is willing to change, so stop trying!  He may attempt to change for you, but it won’t last.

Women often try to mold a man to become who she wants him to be.  Men will resent that they aren’t good enough as they are.  A man’s ego can become bruised.  He may feel insecure or feel emasculated.  This will definitely destroy a relationship or cause him to cheat.  You can’t raise or train a grown man.  Sometimes a man will see you as trying to control him.  He will remain resistant and may also feel that you don’t really love him.  Some other woman will gladly accept him as he is.

Some of the most difficult changes for anyone to make immediately are overcoming:

  • Addiction
  • Immaturity
  • Workaholic
  • Womanizer
  • Abusive behavior
  • Commitment phobia

Everyone has some flaws, bad habits or quirky traits that can be annoying, but are they worth accepting or are they a deal breaker? Ultimately, that is the question you have to ask yourself.

A few things to keep in mind . . .

Your love isn’t enough to change him.

You’re fighting a losing battle.

It has to be a man’s own decision to change.

Accept a man at face value.

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Why The Thrill of the Chase is So Exciting

Thrill of the Chase

 

Most men find the thrill of the chase very exciting and an adrenaline rush.  Men generally welcome a challenge.  They are strategic thinkers and love to hunt and conquer.  A man usually gets bored much quicker than a woman does, therefore they tend to find anything “new” exciting.  Having to put in the work to win a woman’s heart wouldn’t be a deal breaker for most men.   A man will chance rejection if that turns out to be the outcome.  It’s exciting for a man to pursue the woman of his dreams, even if he feels she is playing hard to get.  Some men will do whatever it takes to reel her in as long as he knows he has a chance.  (It’s like a chess match)

Men place more value on a woman he had to work hard to get.  He probably won’t take her for granted either.  Sometimes it’s a game or a sport to a man.   He may bet his friends that he will get her number.  The thrill of the chase is also about a man’s ego.  Some men will pursue an elusive woman who seems unobtainable, just for the challenge or competition.  To land her would be a great score, after all he succeeded where other men failed.  It would be like hitting the jackpot and taking home the prize!

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Flirting Isn’t Always Harmless

flirting 2

You can unknowingly put your relationship in jeopardy when you believe flirting is just playful innocent behavior, when in fact your intentions are not so innocent.  Temptation to go further can definitely lead to infidelity.  Having sexual attraction for someone aside from your bae an easily progress into inappropriate behavior or cheating if you put yourself in a compromising situation.  It’s like playing with fire.

It’s always flattering and is definitely an ego boost when you are flirted with.  Be careful not to need this type of attention so badly that you are vulnerable because you aren’t getting any attention from your man.  You could easily get emotionally attached to another person who satisfies your emotional needs.

If your man is flirting with other women in front of you, this is blatantly disrespectful behavior that you should not tolerate.

Harmless flirting would be simply smiling, greeting or complimenting the opposite sex in passing.

Flirting has gone too far when it involves:

  • Touching or other physical contact
  • pursuing the other person
  • Continuous contact

Aggressive flirting can be a sign of lust, in this case it is best left between couples or singles who are available and are not in a relationship.

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He Cheated, Now What?

love - love is about trust

 

It is the anniversary of my initial posting of He Cheated, Now What?

This is the most commented on post I have written so far, so I have decided to re-blog it.  This subject matter may be of interest to everyone at some point in their life, even if just to advise someone on how to handle infidelity when they are going through it.

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When you have been cheated on, the first thing you have to do is decide if the relationship is worth saving.  Both of you must really want to work at gaining trust and healing from the pain and disappointment of the betrayal that goes along with the infidelity.

Communication is needed to understand what caused the infidelity in the first place.  This is crucial in hopes of preventing it from happening again.  Couples counseling could help with an unbiased third-party.   He has to earn your trust again.  Trust is very hard to gain, once it has been lost.

Don’t obsess over information about the other woman.  It was your man who betrayed your trust, the other woman doesn’t have any loyalty to you.  You need to know if it was a one-time affair or a lengthy affair.  A slip up is easier to forgive.  If it was with an ex, that could mean there are still underlying feelings between them.   That would pose a problem in trying to salvage the relationship.  If he has cheated on you before or he has a pattern of cheating in all of his past relationships, he most likely will cheat on you again.

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Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater?

once a cheater - always a cheater

 

A person who cheats can change if they really want to change and feel the need to change.  If someone loses or almost loses the love of their life, this could be the wake up call to make them realize the significance of their actions.  Without serious consequences for their betrayal, a cheater will most likely continue to cheat throughout the relationship.  When someone cheats and knows that it will be forgiven just by saying that they’re sorry and that you won’t leave them, they will feel that they have nothing to lose if they get caught again.  If the cheater has remorse and guilt they are more likely to be able to remain faithful in the future.

Couples counseling could help the couple to get to the bottom of why the affair happened in the first place, and help them learn to communicate their needs with one another and to be able to work through problems in the relationship.  Being vulnerable and unhappy in a relationship can lead to infidelity.

The betrayal is always in the back of the mind of the person who has been cheated on, and the insecurity and fear that it will happen again.  They may think you are cheating again, even if you aren’t.   That’s why rebuilding trust is so crucial to getting past the affair.   If the person cheats a second time, this may be a sign of an habitual cheater.  At this point, it may be time to consider ending the relationship.  If they have cheated in all of their past relationships, they probably won’t take monogamy seriously with you either.

Once a cheater, always a cheater doesn’t have to be their fate.  Some couples come out of an affair, more committed to each other than they were before the affair.  Of course, there are no guarantees in love and lust!

 

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Things a Man Won’t Tell You

love - men's secrets

 

First and foremost, a man won’t tell you what is on his mind or how he feels.  He won’t share his worries, his insecurities, jealousy or anything that may be bothering him.  A man fears he will seem weak.  Men are taught as boys to be strong at all times.

Your man won’t share negative information about his friends or family with you.  Men are much better at keeping secrets than women are.  Men don’t disclose anything about themselves, in their past or present that he is embarrassed about or uncomfortable with.  Most men won’t tell you that they cheated on all their girlfriends or their ex-wife, or that he is a former alcoholic, drug user, or that he beat his last girlfriend.

Most men won’t tell you about their adverse health conditions or that they are popping the ” little blue pill”.

Some men lust after other women, maybe even one of your girlfriends.  He knows better than to share that with you.  (LOL)

Men don’t usually tell you the moment that they fall for you or why they hate to say the words, “I love you”.  It makes them feel vulnerable.

All men hate it when their woman won’t shut up, but he usually doesn’t want to hurt her feelings by telling her.  He would rather tune her out.  A man won’t always tell his woman that he need space.  He will start pulling away from her instead.

Most men won’t tell you that he’s bored in the bedroom and wants to try something new or that he craves more sex.  He would rather get it elsewhere.

The one thing all men refuse to tell you the truth about when you ask them, is how you look in an outfit or anything regarding your appearance, whether it’s your weight, make up, hair style, etc.  They know their woman can’t handle the truth, if it’s not the answer she wants to hear from him.

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Should You Tell Your Girlfriend Her Man is Cheating on Her?

 

 

Although your loyalty is always with your girlfriend, you are putting your friendship at risk when you tell your girlfriend that her man is cheating on her.  When it is her husband that’s cheating, it could turn her life upside down especially if they have children.  It would be less risky, if he is just a boyfriend.

Most women have a suspicion when their man is cheating.  Women are intuitive.  Men are so careless and they’re creatures of habit.  When a man’s regular habits/routines change drastically this is a red flag that most women pick up on right away.  Cheating is the first thing that we suspect.

When a husband is cheating on his wife, most wives already know and choose to stay with their husbands.  Many wives choose to remain in denial because they don’t want to leave him or confront him.  They want to hold on to the fairy tale that they are happy and have the perfect marriage.  By remaining in denial, their man will continue to practice some level of discretion and show some respect in hopes of her not finding out.  Once a man knows that you are aware of his infidelity, and you choose to stay with him, at this point he will continue to cheat on you throughout your relationship.  He will no longer have the fear of losing you, so he becomes less discreet and more disrespectful.  Women must realize when you confront someone about their infidelity you must be prepared to take some kind of action to let them know you will not tolerate cheating, or you’re better off pretending not to know.

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Social Media Can Ruin Relationships

Love - Social Media Ruins Relationships2

 

Putting all of your personal business out there is not good for any relationship.  Some information should be kept private between you and your man and shouldn’t even be shared with your girlfriends.  Have you noticed that couples on Reality TV have a greater risk of breaking up or divorcing?

Too many couples spend so much of their time on social media rather than spending quality time with each other.  Social media are often used for cheating purposes, connecting with random men or women or reconnecting with former lovers.  Social media can cause temptation, which could lead to infidelity.  Excessive time spent on social media sites can cause jealousy, insecurity, create distance, trust issues and conflict in a relationship. Connecting in a flirtatious way, by liking sexy photos of the opposite sex can be a sign of trouble.  Social media can become addictive just like pornography can become to some people.

You should never assume your Relationship Status without first discussing it with the other person as to where you are, and to make sure you are on the same page as far as your relationship status is concerned.  If you’re in a relationship and your man or woman refuses to change his/his status on Facebook or refuses to post photos with you together, it’s likely they are purposely excluding you to hide that they are in a relationship.  This is definitely a red flag that you shouldn’t ignore.

Constantly being distracting with our cellphones has also become more engaging than communicating with each other.  Have you ever noticed while dining in a restaurant, couples are on their phones and not talking to one another?  Couples fight over sharing passwords and pass codes all of the time.  This will certainly cause trust issues in a relationship.

While you’re connecting with others and feeling the pressure to increase the number of friends and followers you have on social media, be careful not to allow social media to cause you to disconnect from the person who should mean the most to you.  In other words, don’t let social media take over your life!

 

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