Intimacy

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Keep Lust Alive in Your Relationship

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The sparks can fizzle out over time, but it doesn’t have to.  You must do your part in keeping your man desiring you.  Continue to be the sexy lady he fell in love with in the first place.

Foreplay should start throughout the day and lovemaking shouldn’t only take place in the bedroom.  Flirting, sexting and talking dirty can also get you aroused.  Date night and vacations without the children are a must to keep the lust alive in a relationship.  Wearing lingerie to bed and role play can also contribute to an exciting sex life.  You have to constantly find new adventurous ways to keep the passionate feeling.  It’s easy to get bored when romance becomes monotonous.  Be spontaneous and unpredictable at all times.  Try a couples spa day, wine and painting events or a picnic in a scenic park or by the water.  (Don’t forget the wine and cheese!)

Couples should have open non-judgmental communication.  They should talk about their sexual needs, different positions to try and share their fantasies and desires.  Let them know if you desire sex more frequently or if you would like to experiment with new ways to please one another.

Don’t get complacent in your relationship.  The sparks will continue to burn by  exploring different methods to enhance the excitement and keep lust alive.

 

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He Cheated, Now What?

love - love is about trust

 

It is the anniversary of my initial posting of He Cheated, Now What?

This is the most commented on post I have written so far, so I have decided to re-blog it.  This subject matter may be of interest to everyone at some point in their life, even if just to advise someone on how to handle infidelity when they are going through it.

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When you have been cheated on, the first thing you have to do is decide if the relationship is worth saving.  Both of you must really want to work at gaining trust and healing from the pain and disappointment of the betrayal that goes along with the infidelity.

Communication is needed to understand what caused the infidelity in the first place.  This is crucial in hopes of preventing it from happening again.  Couples counseling could help with an unbiased third-party.   He has to earn your trust again.  Trust is very hard to gain, once it has been lost.

Don’t obsess over information about the other woman.  It was your man who betrayed your trust, the other woman doesn’t have any loyalty to you.  You need to know if it was a one-time affair or a lengthy affair.  A slip up is easier to forgive.  If it was with an ex, that could mean there are still underlying feelings between them.   That would pose a problem in trying to salvage the relationship.  If he has cheated on you before or he has a pattern of cheating in all of his past relationships, he most likely will cheat on you again.

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Fight, but Give Into Make-up Sex

 

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Fighting is normal in a relationship.  You have two distinct personalities which will not always agree or get along.  Compromise is key to handling problems without destroying your relationship.  Make-up sex allows a couple to bond by closing the distance caused by fighting.  The energy and adrenaline it takes to fight, can actually lead to arousal.   You can’t stay angry with your man if he just made sweet love to you.   Make-up sex is exciting, but it doesn’t resolve any underlying issues between couples.  It’s just a temporary fix.

In relationships where couples never fight, one of them are holding back their true feelings in order to please the other person.  That person would rather keep quiet to keep the peace in order to avoid conflict altogether.  Somewhere down the line, resentment will build up.  This is not a healthy relationship.  Both parties must be able to communicate to resolve problems in their relationship.   When there are domestic abuse issues, it’s time to get out of the relationship and seek protection.

Couples will have misunderstandings, but as long as you can argue in a respectful manner and are able to let the power struggle end, and you can meet somewhere in the middle, fighting is a normal part of a relationship.  Tackle the problem, not the person.  There’s no better way to say you’re sorry, than make-up sex.  LOL

 

 

 

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Things a Man Won’t Tell You

love - men's secrets

 

First and foremost, a man won’t tell you what is on his mind or how he feels.  He won’t share his worries, his insecurities, jealousy or anything that may be bothering him.  A man fears he will seem weak.  Men are taught as boys to be strong at all times.

Your man won’t share negative information about his friends or family with you.  Men are much better at keeping secrets than women are.  Men don’t disclose anything about themselves, in their past or present that he is embarrassed about or uncomfortable with.  Most men won’t tell you that they cheated on all their girlfriends or their ex-wife, or that he is a former alcoholic, drug user, or that he beat his last girlfriend.

Most men won’t tell you about their adverse health conditions or that they are popping the ” little blue pill”.

Some men lust after other women, maybe even one of your girlfriends.  He knows better than to share that with you.  (LOL)

Men don’t usually tell you the moment that they fall for you or why they hate to say the words, “I love you”.  It makes them feel vulnerable.

All men hate it when their woman won’t shut up, but he usually doesn’t want to hurt her feelings by telling her.  He would rather tune her out.  A man won’t always tell his woman that he need space.  He will start pulling away from her instead.

Most men won’t tell you that he’s bored in the bedroom and wants to try something new or that he craves more sex.  He would rather get it elsewhere.

The one thing all men refuse to tell you the truth about when you ask them, is how you look in an outfit or anything regarding your appearance, whether it’s your weight, make up, hair style, etc.  They know their woman can’t handle the truth, if it’s not the answer she wants to hear from him.

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Women Shouldn’t Lead With Their Curves, If They Want to be Taken Seriously

love - sex women3

 

When a woman first meet a man if she flaunts her sex appeal by dressing too provocative or revealing, a man will see her as an easy score.  Men place women in categories almost immediately.  A man may think of her as loose and only as a booty call or a friend with benefits.  She won’t be taken seriously by him.  She definitely won’t be the one he’ll take home to meet his mother or someone he will see himself in a serious relationship with.

Most men still judge women just as harshly as they did years ago.  A woman’s appearance,  body language and the way she carries herself can cause her to be labeled in a negative way.

Tasteful flirting in a lady-like manner, is as assertive as a woman she be in initiating contact with a man.  Being too aggressive with a stranger could be risky behavior.  Some men believe an aggressive woman will come on to any man that she is attracted to.  He won’t think she only approached him because he’s special.  Just like when a woman sleeps with a man too soon, he feels she does this with every man she meets, which may not always be the case.

When a man gets a woman in bed too quickly, and he hasn’t had the time to get to know her, there’s no other reason for him to come back, but for more sex.  He doesn’t feel the need to get to know YOU at this point.  Remember, every man’s goal is to “hit it”.

First impressions are lasting impressions, so don’t ruin your chances of being taken seriously by behaving in a way that you will be thought of only as a “good-time girl.”

 

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A Ring is Just a Symbol, Until You Say “I Do”

Love - Engagement Ring

 

If you have been in a relationship for several years and have been constantly pressuring your man to “put a ring on it”, he may finally give you a ring just to shut you up.   Your fiancé may want a three or more year engagement and won’t want to set a wedding date.  An open engagement is typically requested by a man who has no intention of getting married (or getting married to you).  The ring may only be a stall tactic to keep stringing you along and to appease you or to get you off his back.  Two years is sufficient time to be engaged and to plan a wedding.

The best way to avoid getting a “shut up ring”, is not to live together for years, not to have the baby before the marriage and after two years of dating, if your man isn’t talking about a future with you, you should bring up the topic and be prepared to make some serious decisions as to how much longer you are willing to stay in the relationship without knowing whether or not there’s a future with him.

A “shut up engagement ring” that a man asks you to give back to him is more embarrassing and humiliating than never receiving a ring at all.  I feel if you are given a ring under false pretenses, you should not give it back if your fiancé calls off the engagement.  You deserve to keep the ring as retribution for the pain and suffering he has caused you.

A woman’s time is precious, don’t waste years with someone you have to pressure to marry you.  Many women fall into this trap because they feel they have invested so many years of their lives with their man and they are willing to hang in there, year after year, hoping one day that he will want to marry her.  It doesn’t take a man years to figure out that he wants to marry a woman.  Sometimes a man will hold on to a woman until he meets the one that he wants to marry and settle down with.   Some men have been known to do this and will marry that woman within a year.

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It Takes More Than Great Sex to Keep it Together

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A relationship where sex is the glue holding it together, won’t last.  You’re in bed only a minimal amount of time in a day.  If you can’t get along outside of the bedroom, then there’s not enough compatibility between the couple to sustain the relationship.

Intimacy is very important in a relationship because it bonds and connects the couple, but respect, communication, compatibility and compromise are also needed to hold it together.  A passionless relationship won’t be fulfilling when there isn’t any physical attraction or sexual chemistry.

When sexual compatibility is all you have in a relationship, the passion will fade in time and if you don’t have anything else in common, you will drift apart.  Being friends as well as being lovers may be enough for the relationship to last despite the lack of sexual chemistry.

Sex is the most important thing to most men.  Usually a man’s main focus is on sex, while a woman’s main focus is on love.  When the sex is great and the compatibility is there, generally that can be the recipe for a happy, healthy and lasting relationship.

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Celebrate Your Love

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Every woman in a relationship or marriage should expect to be celebrated on Valentine’s Day.  Whether your man takes you out for a romantic dinner and dancing, send a dozen long-stemmed red roses, gives you Godiva chocolates and a card, buys you sexy lingerie, surprises you with jewelry (diamonds are a girl’s best friend).   All of these are ways we want our man to show his love for us.

The 1st Course  (Dinner)

Some women may prefer a candlelight dinner at home.  Set the table in a formal setting with your best dinnerware and table linens.  Seafood or a surf n turf entrée would be a good choice for the menu.  Red wine would be the beverage of choice and sparkling spring water.  Red velvet cupcakes or chocolate lava cake could be a dessert option.

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Why Men Suddenly Lose Interest

 

A man will get bored if there’s constant predictability or monotonous routine in his relationship.  Men crave spontaneity and a challenge to keep their interest.  It’s like playing the game of chess.  Men enjoy strategizing their next move in order to reel her in.  Keeping a man unsure of your feelings, will stop him from taking you for granted and in turn from losing interest in you.  Being unpredictable and changing up things at a whim, will make him want to continue seeing you.

Men are hunters by nature.  They are always up for a challenge.  Someone who cause them to have to up their game in order to win her over will remain interesting to him.  The thrill of the chase is intriguing to a man.  He won’t lose interest in a woman who wasn’t too easy to get in the first place.  The harder a man has to work at pursuing a woman, the more he will value her.

Contrary to what most women think, most men still expect to have to pursue a woman.  A man’s ego will cause him to continue to chase after a woman he wants.  Men are competitive and don’t like to give up or feel defeated.  She would be more interesting to him than a woman who is chasing after him.

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Don’t Just Date Your “Type”

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Some women tend to have a specific type of man who she’s attracted to and she doesn’t have any interest in any other man who doesn’t fit into her “type”.  It’s a good idea not to place limitations on available men out there that you could meet.  You may just miss out on a great guy that you’re overlooking or ruling him out because he doesn’t fit your physical or professional type.  These men could be someone you cross paths with everyday;  a close male friend, a coworker or someone you’ve known for years, maybe even someone you placed in  the “friend zone”.

He may not be tall, dark and handsome, have swag, have a successful career or be the man every woman desires, but he may have other meaningful qualities that you’re also looking for, but can’t seem to find in your usual “type”.  Qualities like character, personality, integrity, honesty, stability, maturity and loyalty, just to name a few.

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